Dependency

Drafting this article after reading about international stock investing (no. Not investing there at this moment. Just reading).

There are multiple factors of dependencies (like, emotional, spiritual, financial, physical, etc) but for ease of explanation, let’s consider 2 primary factors: financial and physical dependency.

Physical dependency: {context: Nanna dropped and picked me up from school since 9th grade to 12th grade}

• I live 6-7 km away from my school and commuted by an auto daily. Our school timings were 8 AM to 2 PM (CBSE). In 4th grade, I had a great passion for singing and my school – that time – introduced singing classes from 5 PM to 6 PM. I had to quit those classes after a week or 2 because I was dependent on Nanna to drop and pick me up and the timings were clashing with his work. Auto charged more-than-usual for a second pick/drop.
• I was extremely good at sports and participated in internal competitions at school – frequency was twice or thrice in 3 months. They were proud of the medals I bought but this dependency on them to drop and pick up triggered whenever I had to attend school events because, again, they clashed with Nanna’s work. Hence, except for sports events, I did not attend a lot of cultural events while at school.
• In 2020 January, I started volunteering for an NGO. I eventually moved to a leadership role that required me to travel a little farther from my home once a week – to which, my family had a problem. Nanna or Annaiya dropped twice or thrice at the cost of belittling me. “You’re not focusing on your studies… you just want to go out and have fun in the name of volunteering… the intention is not teaching it’s just hanging out with your friends in the name of teaching… if you really want to do something, you can do that even after settling… blah blah”

I tried explaining that volunteering is a happy place for me because I’m able to help somebody with my abilities, learning a lot more than I expected and most importantly, I felt independent but none of them mattered. I persisted but eventually, exited after 2-2.5 years because of semester exams, competitions and moving out .

I decided to eliminate the commute dependency as much as possible and using public transport was my first step towards independence (nope. August 15 Independence is for the country, my independence was different :p). I felt a lot better.

Thanks to public transport and taxi services, I seldom seek help while commuting. Let’s move to financial dependency.

Financial dependency: {Context: pursuing bachelor’s in 2018}

• Nanna’s business hit a rough patch, and unfortunately, the money coming in was much less than what was needed to cover the essential expenses. Things like groceries, electricity bills, and rent added up quickly, especially with my sibling still pursuing his education. The fact that I needed to ask money was pathetic – not only at home, but from anyone in general. The situation was pretty much understandable. You wouldn’t want to ask somebody when you see them struggle. Isn’t it?

Decided that I would never want to be in a position to ask money – firstly at home, secondly from friends.

If the willpower is strong and ethical enough, time shall eventually fix situations. Stopped asking money for my needs as well. Managed to get a paid internship. Cleared backlogs. Got a job in Hyderabad. Cleared my degree (umm yes. it was a job and then a degree). All this while, my friends helped me.

I rarely throw parties and haven’t celebrated with cakes and crowds since my younger years. As time went by, I grew more selective about spending my time and energy. Similarly, this is the only reason I never ask for parties. I have no idea regarding their finances and the compromises they make to spend feeding for people.

Well well well, let’s skip to the good part? Today, I’m beyond grateful for all the things I did back then. To me, dependency is akin to prison – fulfills needs by taking away the freedom. Crime? Relying on people.

• Volunteering helped me get along with people, improved communication skills, helped me understand my privileges and most importantly, helped me get started with Excel.
• I rely on public transport now. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise when I moved to Hyderabad.
• I learnt to help and support my family and close friends financially – I owe this learning majorly to my friends.

Good news: by Lord Shiva’s blessings, I’m personally debt-free from this month 😀 I’ll be travelling home and might get a nice nose ring (I love nose rings).

Alright. That’s it for this article. See you next!

~ Quietus

P.S: the above narration is just a tiny fragment of my past. Gentle reminder that family (generalized) can (sometimes) be toxic. There can be situations where family had your back when the world was against you and situations where family is the source of destruction. The probability speaks for all of it. But, regardless of the nature of the familial relationships, the power to choose paths should not be lost 🙂